We all have an inner critic.  It is often in the form of a little voice in our head that makes us fearful and stops us from taking action. It questions our ability, criticizes our actions, and makes us feel bad.  It is an inner dialogue we have with ourselves that limits our ability to believe in ourselves and accomplish our goals.  It is any thought that diminishes our ability to make positive changes in our lives, grab hold of opportunities, go after what we really want, or fulfill our purpose.

Everyone grapples with self-doubt and fear once in a while, even successful leaders.  A little self-doubt is not only normal, it’s healthy.  It prevents one from crossing the fine line between self-confidence and hubris.  What sets apart highly success people is their ability to be courageous and press forward in the face of this fear.  They do not let self-doubt grab them by the throat and pin them down.  Instead, they face into it, spar with it, all the while keeping their eyes on the prize and taking actions, one maneuver at a time, that advances them toward their goal and come out on top.

Here are 6 ways that highly success people get past their self-doubt and build resilience.

1. Raise Your Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the first step to being able to address this issue.  Start by becoming conscious of your limiting thoughts and seek to understand the root causes of your self-doubt. What specific situations trigger bouts of self-doubt?  If it’s a lack of skill in an area, resolve to do something about it.  For example, it may be a fear of public speaking or of delegating important work to others.  Take the action to learn the skills needed to improve your comfort level.  Go out there and practice, or get a coach to help you.

2.  Manage your negative self-talk

When engaging in negative self-talk, you may be able to catch yourself, but it can sometimes be difficult to force yourself to stop a train of thought in its tracks.  It’s often far easier to change the INTENSITY of your language.  “I hate…” becomes “I don’t prefer …” “This drives me crazy ” becomes “This is challenging.” When your self-talk uses softer language, much of its negative power is muted as well.

Another approach is to REPLACE the negative self-talk with something empowering.  “I’m too scared…” becomes “I will take one step forward.”  “This will never work” to “I wonder how I can…”  Our minds are very suggestible.   Choose language that empowers you rather than drag you down.

3.  Shift Your Perspective

Sometimes looking at things from a different perspective can help you see another possibility.  For example, if you are worried about your presentation to the Board next week, instead of “I’ll mess this up and lose credibility”, shift to “how can I prepare so I feel 100% ready?”  Focus on taking small steps forward rather than be stuck in overwhelm.

Another way to shift perspective is to look at things in a longer time horizon.  This can help you realize that you are placing too much emphasis on something that may not matter in a year’s time.

4.  Cross-Examine Your Inner Critic

One of the damaging aspects of negative self-talk is that it often goes unchallenged. After all, if it’s a running commentary going on in your head, others may not be aware of what you’re saying to yourself and thus can’t tell you how wrong you are.  It’s far better to catch your negative self-talk and ask yourself how true it is. The vast majority of negative self-talk is an exaggeration, and calling yourself on this can help to take away the damaging influence of negative self-talk.

5.  Break it down and take action

Instead of being paralyzed by overwhelming thoughts, step back and break down the issue to smaller parts.   Ask yourself ‘what’s the ONE thing I can do that will move me forward?”  If you’re worried about having enough time to prepare your presentation, break it down to the number of hours needed to complete the work.  Then allocate time each day to do the work until you reach completion.   Hold yourself accountable for actually doing what you said you will do each day.

6.  Practice self-compassion

If you don’t know how to calm and soothe yourself when you’re feeling sad, angry, or troubled, you’re more likely to become stressed and agitated. Research shows that having the ability to identify and deal appropriately with your emotions can increase your tolerance to stress and help you bounce back from adversity.

We are often very hard on ourselves, criticizing, judging, even berating.  A simple way to think about self compassion is treating yourself the way a good friend would – with kindness, understanding, and empathy.  It’s not about making the pain go away, but providing comfort and a space to heal.

Ultimately, the more you heed that voice of self-doubt and give it importance, the louder and more overwhelming it gets.  If you focus on taking action despite the doubts, the voice loses its grip over you and quiets down over time.

About:

Bernice Ang is an Executive Coach who spent 30 years as a Marketing Executive in Fortune 50 companies.  She currently works with high performing professionals to integrate their work and life goals so they can live life on their own terms.  For more information, please visit www.liveaThriveLife.com