Bernice Ang

Wisdom from the Dying

07/24/2020

Many people who enjoyed spectacular success in their CAREERS stood on the shoulders of the giants who came before them.  They were mentored by wiser, more seasoned leaders who have trodden the corporate path and learned from their numerous victories, as well as avoided pitfalls that resulted in failures.

To be spectacularly successful in LIFE, how can we learn from the wisdom of those who went before us, so that we can benefit from their experience and choose to spend our energy & time in what matters most?

Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse and author of The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, asked countless patients about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently at the end of their lives. She found 5 common themes that will serve us, the living, well.

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.  When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.”
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. ”All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.”
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.“There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. “When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind.“

On the flip side of regret is empowerment & freedom.  Here’s an inspiring story of what living with no regrets looks like.  At 53 and the prime of his life, Gene O’Kelly, the former CEO of KPMG, one of the biggest accounting firms in the world, was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.  He was given 3 months to live.

After getting over the initial shock, Gene decided, in true CEO fashion, that he was going to make his last 100 days the best days of his life.  He turned over his job, got in touch with those who mattered most to “unwind” their relationship, practiced living in the moment, and marveled at the myriad of “perfect moments” that took his breath away.

Gene shared 5 valuable life lessons:

  1. Face reality

Facing reality means distinguishing between what we can exert influence over and what we can’t. Focus on what we can change, and don’t waste energy railing against things that our outside of our sphere of influence.

  1. Simplify

Simplifying means discriminating among short-, medium- and long-term goals and letting go of what no longer serves us.  Take a step back from the minute details and focus on the big picture.  Ask yourself “What is enough?”  The key here is to figure out our highest priorities first and focus our limited energy to attain just enough before moving on.  Be true to yourself.

  1. Live in the moment

When we take an active interest in focusing on the present, it centers us.  A centered mind is quiet, precise, attuned, and discerning.   No energy is wasted on lamenting about the past or fretting over the future.  It is a gift to ourselves and to others when we are fully present with them.  Reach out to your loved ones. Express your feelings.  Thank them for their contribution to you.  Make them feel that they are the most important person in the room when they are with you.

  1. Recognize perfection.

Focus on creating meaningful moments—perfect moments—that we could share with the important people in our lives. Perfect moments can include things like conversations, letters, phone calls, walks in the park, fabulous meals, hugs, nature, etc.   These moments allow us to pause, feel grateful, and marvel at the infinite blessings and beauty that surround us each day.  This is what makes us feel vibrantly alive.  Allow yourself to be happy.

  1. Achieve balance

As human beings, we have multiple fundamental needs — having physical and mental health, loving relationships, financial security, a successful career, fun & play, learning & growth.  These needs are akin to the spokes of a bicycle wheel.  Each spoke needs to be strong in order for the wheel to have integrity and hold up under pressure.  In the pursuit of success, many people focus disproportionately on work at the expense of many other needs.  This imbalance among the spokes will cause the wheel to collapse over time.  Focus on achieving balance amongst these spokes to thrive in life.  This is worth working hard on.

Dying with regret is possibly the greatest tragedy that can befall any human being.  But it need not happen.  Rather than apply hindsight, let’s take heed of these lessons from those who have gone before us.   Let’s pause to get clear on what truly matters.  Let’s choose to invest our time and energy on these priorities.  Let’s take action now, for tomorrow is never promised to anyone.

About:

Bernice Ang is an Executive Coach who spent 30 years as a Marketing Executive in Fortune 50 companies.  She currently works with high performing professionals to integrate their work and life goals so they can live life on their own terms.  For more information, please visit www.liveaThriveLife.com.